A very personal story

I barely know where to begin. The last few years have been a whirlwind of events. Four years ago, God called us to bring a teenager into our home and pursue adoption. After disappointment after disappointment, we found our precious son. The was almost 2 years ago. As many of you know, he came to live with us and there were a series of ups and downs.

A few months back, our precious boy decided that he didn’t want a family, but wanted freedom to pursue harmful things. He chose to walk away.

You can imagine how that affected the family. He was son and brother.

We all fully trust that God is in control and is sovereign in all things.87273ccb5c71f4bad842039a160479c1 We will always be here for him and love him. We know that life moves in waves of change. It’s not always easy, but clinging to God is what we do. As I read story after story in the Bible of those God used and chose to highlight, I felt such a mix of emotions. Mostly, I felt Him holding me tightly and whispering His perfect love into my ear as I wept. We are not called to ease and comfort. We are called to obey, and we did. We do. We will.

As we worked through some really difficult things, my blog was put on hold. I thank you all for your words, emails, letters, boxes, etc… of encouragement. I am praying that in this new “wave” of my life, I will have a chance to return and do what I love so much. As always, your prayers are welcomed!!!

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What’s going on?

So, I have gotten quite a bit of questions about what’s going on, where I’ve been, etc… We have had a really busy summer. My brother is staying with us and we have had other company on and off throughout the last 8 weeks. IMG_5288

Everyone say “hi” to my brother,  John!! —->

The other bit of news is exciting. We have been trying to adopt for a few years now and it looks like we are finally going to be matched with someone. I can’t give you much, but I can tell you that he’s 16 years old and I can’t wait to be a momma again!!

So, I plan to keep things going because I absolutely love blogging and getting to know you all. However, things might be more sporadic and a much lighter load while we transition into everything God is doing in our family.

Your prayers would be so appreciated right now. We want to adopt teenagers and love on them. Of course, that will require a lot of energy, wisdom and prayer. Please keep the whole family in mind 🙂

More to come…

Oh, my pride. *hiding in shame*

God is patient. I know I test His patience. I must.

I look back to a blog post I wrote a few days ago and I am struck by my pride. God has, obviously, not laid out His plans for me in a tidy little note. As I continue to seek Him, I get caught up in the emotions of life and I forget what the point is. The point of life. The point of everything I do.

Bring God much glory.  

    1-Corinthians-10-31-web

That’s it. My pouting, throwing a fit and demanding an answer surely doesn’t do that. I ask Him, “What did I do wrong? Why did you trick me? What’s happening?” wah wah wah. Each of those questions is centered around myself and not bringing glory to His powerful and merciful name.

Of course He could make it easy. Show us each step. But, why would we need Him anymore? If I know where I am going, I’m not going to rely on my GPS. (No, there’s no lame, Christian acronym there). It’s simple. He has given us His word, and believe me, there’s plenty in there to keep me busy without asking His will and whining about when it’s going to be revealed. Seek Him. Love others. Flee sexual immorality. Only speak to edify others. Be kind to your enemies…

I’m already done for and that doesn’t even scratch the surface!!

Oswald Chambers said, “The Christian should never ask the question, ‘What is God’s will for my life?’ You’re walking through a forest. When is the only time you ask where the path is? When you’re off the path, when you’re lost.” So, he said, “Just stay on the path. Just walk in the will of God. You don’t have to ask where it is, just step, step, step in the will of God.”

quote048-g-012I am including an awesome sermon by David Platt. If you have the time to check it out, PLEASE DO. It really touches on this subject and snapped my head back to where it should be. I believe that Satan’s greatest weapon against God is getting us worried that we aren’t doing enough. Getting us worried whether or not we are doing God’s will. Getting our focus completely on what we are doing and ourselves, instead of on the importance of God getting glory in each and every situation.

Yes, we thought He told us to do one thing. We thought that boy was ours’. We loved him. He wasn’t ours’. My heart shattered. So, how do I love God more from that? How do I bring Him glory? I suppose that’s my renewed focus.

^————– Great freeze frame! ha ha (:

Adoption Process = RIP MY HAIR OUT

It is unbelievable that we have been in this process for over two years now. How many people want teenage, sibling brothers?! How hard could it possibly be???

Daily, my mind is blown. Hourly, my heart is broken. I honestly don’t know how God is sustaining me through all of this. I feel like my heart gets ripped into shreds. Then it gets ripped into smaller and smaller shreds. It is now in…really small shreds?

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If you have followed my blog over the last couple of years, you know that we have been through some insane heartbreaks. Our social worker is doing so much for us, but getting nowhere. I understand that case loads are hard and it’s a long process. What I don’t understand is why we aren’t getting anywhere! Even my kiddos think that it’s never going to happen. They keep hoping, but I see that they no longer believe.

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I know. All in God’s timing. God loves them more than I do.

There are so many children on that website that I love with all my heart. I look into their eyes and I feel their pain. I physically feel their hurt. I think that I need to pray Hannah’s prayer. She had some good luck with that. It’s a beautiful prayer.

Keep praying for our child/children (or large person/people) to come home to us soon.

I really don’t know how much more my heart can take…

1 Samuel 1:10,11 – Hannah was in deep anguish, crying bitterly as she prayed to the Lord.  And she made this vow: “O Lord of Heaven’s Armies, if you will look upon my sorrow and answer my prayer and give me a son, then I will give him back to you. He will be yours for his entire lifetime, and as a sign that he has been dedicated to the Lord, his hair will never be cut.”