Darcy Brotheres – aTransParentMom

I am delighted to inform my personal readers that I have secured an interview with the honorary Lord Theophilus Darcy Tuesday next. You will be amiss if you cannot be in attendance as I shall proceed to delicately inquire of the relations between a certain Miss Bennet (I shall not name her in fear that she will be most distraught) and a gentleman that Theo (we have become intimate in our friendship that I may call him by his Christian name) is closely acquainted with.

Do not fear when I say that our friendship has become intimate. I cherish his friendship, but am most decidedly infatuated with a Mr. Andrews, whose name I may declare with highest regard. Nay, infatuated is not an appropriate definition. I am bewitched, captivated and hereby besotted for the rest of my days with Mr. Andrews. So, fear not, ladies. Theo is quite available.

I have it on great authority that this is the latest painting of Theo. Now, you see?

You shan’t desire to miss this interview!

2nd April to Fitzwilliam Darcy

London, 2nd April 1812

William,

Pray be so kind as to inform your solicitor that he need no longer trouble himself with sending me an allowance as of Michaelmas of this year, as I will no longer require it. By this means, you may also spare yourself your quarterly inquisition into my finances and commentary on my life, since one can scarcely call your missives letters.

Pray give my regards to Georgiana, Richard, Anne, and the lovely Miss Bennet, whose injury, I am informed, came from a misfire of Watkins’ rifle rather than a shot at my hat. But there is no need to extend your apologies, as I am so accustomed to your false accusations as to be quite deaf to them, and we both know any expression of regret on your part would be purely a matter of form, and not truly meant.

Yours, etc.

Theophilus Darcy